WRITINGS ABOUT ATTRACTIONS, DATING & RELATIONSHIPS
Based on fifteen years of clinical practice, these articles explore common questions about attraction, dating, relationships, compatibility, fantasy, and identity. Their goal is to help people better understand why certain attractions feel so powerful, why dating can become confusing, and how attraction often develops differently than most people expect.
Do same-sex attractions need to disappear before someone can seriously date or consider marriage? And does a person first need to experience strong, immediate opposite-sex attraction? Understanding how different forms of attraction develop can help answer these questions more clearly.
Coming out may once have seemed to answer confusing questions about attraction and identity. But what if years later you still have questions about relationships, family, religion, or the future you want? This article explores why those questions are still worth asking.
Some friendships become so emotionally consuming that another person’s attention begins to determine our confidence, mood, and sense of belonging. Sometimes described as limerence, this pattern can occur even when the attachment is not primarily romantic or sexual. This article explores how such dependence develops—and how the friendship can become freer and more mutual.
The sexual urge may be the most noticeable part of the struggle—but not where it begins. This article explores the painful beliefs and emotional meanings that can drive porn use, and how understanding them can bring relief, perspective, and greater choice.
Why do certain people seem to represent an entirely different way of life? This article explores how attraction can become organized around freedom, creativity, adventure, and possibility—and how these attractions may reveal neglected parts of ourselves waiting to grow.
Why do some people become captivated by those whose approval seems especially valuable? This article explores how attraction can become intertwined with validation, self-worth, and the longing to finally feel chosen.
Sometimes attraction isn’t only about another person—it’s about the qualities they seem to represent. This article explores why we become captivated by people who appear to possess something we’ve long wished we had, and how understanding this pattern can transform the way we experience attraction.
Why do some people repeatedly find themselves drawn to partners who seem wounded, lonely, or emotionally overwhelmed? This article explores one of the most common attraction patterns I encounter in clinical practice and why helping someone can sometimes become intertwined with feeling loved, needed, and emotionally connected.
Why some people affect us so powerfully—and why intense attraction often reveals more about us than about long-term compatibility.
Why attraction sometimes fades when interest is returned, and what that may reveal about how attraction develops.
Healthy attraction often develops differently than people expect. Learn what is normal to feel on a first date.
Understanding the difference between attraction, arousal, and connection—and why attraction doesn't look the same for everyone.
You feel strong chemistry — and then the same frustrations repeat. If this pattern sounds familiar, it may not be about “bad choices,” but about how attraction gets wired.
Strong attraction does not always signal long-term compatibility. This essay explores why intensity and stability often move at different speeds.
Learn the difference between attraction rooted in connection and attraction driven primarily by imagination or projection.
Many healthy relationships begin without intense chemistry. Learn how attraction can deepen through familiarity and emotional connection.
Do you lose interest just as a relationship starts to deepen? Sometimes fading attraction isn’t about incompatibility — it’s about how we respond to vulnerability.
Attraction and values do not always point in the same direction. Understanding the difference can bring clarity.
Why fantasy can sometimes feel more exciting than real relationships—and what that may reveal about how attraction works.
Healthy attraction does not always begin with fireworks. Learn how attraction can develop over time.
Attraction often follows recognizable patterns. Understanding those patterns can bring clarity to dating decisions.
Understanding attraction, identity, and why powerful attractions do not always answer every question about the future.
Why finding a label can bring immediate relief—and why that relief may not be the whole story.
Attraction is often more complicated than it first appears. Learn why same-sex attraction does not always answer every question about identity or the future.
Understanding attraction, identity, and why present attractions do not always determine future relationship possibilities.
Choosing an online therapist in New York involves more than scheduling convenience. If you’re navigating dating uncertainty or attraction patterns, finding a clinician with a clear and structured approach can make all the difference.