Koby Frances, PhD
Should our strongest attractions always be trusted?
Whether you find yourself repeatedly drawn to unavailable people, becoming immediately infatuated, losing interest once relationships become serious, or wondering why the same dating patterns keep repeating themselves, attraction can sometimes become surprisingly confusing.
But here’s what often surprises—and relieves—many people:
Looking at a person’s history of attraction—the kinds of people they find themselves repeatedly and powerfully drawn to—is often the key to making sense of experiences that once seemed random, mysterious, or confusing.
As this history becomes clearer, many people discover that they are drawn not simply to whole people they come to know, but to certain qualities that immediately capture their attention, often long before they truly know the other person—or even meet them. These attractions can become so compelling that everything else about the person fades into the background.
Perhaps most relieving of all, these powerful attractions often fall into four recurring patterns.
Recognizing which pattern best matches your own experience is often the first step toward making sense of confusing attractions—and becoming freer to choose relationships that are genuinely right for you.
Which of the Four Attraction Patterns Best Describes You?
Why do these Attraction patterns matter?
Over years in private practice, I've noticed that our most immediate attractions are often sparked by a surprisingly small set of qualities in other people.