Men’s Sexual Health
If you or a loved one struggle with any of these difficulties, please do not hesitate to reach out.
Sexual-Religious Conflict: When parts of our sexual actions, fantasies or urges seem to conflict with other parts of our Self, family or culture, we can find ourselves burdened with anxiety, depression and isolation. Talking it out with a professional who understands what its like and who does not take on the role of “fixer”, “permission granter”, “label maker” or “judge” - either toward your sexuality or toward your cultural values - can help lift this burden in a meaningful way.
Distress around Specific Sexual Fantasies or Urges: Sometimes it feels as if we are controlled by our desires. Whether these fantasies and urges involve the same-gender, the opposite-gender, specific body parts or unusual objects and situations, these images and fantasies can often trigger powerful and immediate feelings of arousal unlike that which we experience in real relationships. T
These reactions are commonly confused with a person’s identity. If a male is involved in these arousing fantasies, the person is naturally “gay”. If a woman is involved, they are straight. But they are not natural reactions and are certainly not a reflection of a person’s core identity. They are simply called sexual triggers, and can easily be understood and treated with the right type of therapist.
Sex/Porn/Love Addictions: Endless cycles of compulsive and secretive seeking-out, intense shame, empty promises of stopping; these are the hallmarks of any addiction. But when sex and love are involved, it can take a particularly significant toll on our wellbeing, and on our loved ones. “Why is this happening?”. “How do I finally put a stop to this in a way that doesn’t just involve using my sheer will-power?” Therapy can give you the answers you are looking for.
Sexual Identity Distress or Confusion: When men feel strong and powerful desires for other men, or when they are confused about their sexual identity and desired lifestyle, the distress, anxiety, doubt and hopelessness can lead to clinical levels of depression, isolation, panic and even suicidality. It can really be tough and it can really be lonely.
Because sexual orientation issues are so highly politicized in our current social climate, it has become extremely difficult for people to find safe, neutral and culturally sensitive places to explore their thoughts and feelings and to try and get a psychologically specific understanding of their patterns. In our charged political times, families, communities, clergy - and even many therapists themselves - may simply not have access to all the information they need to understand issues of sexual identity in a more nuanced and individualized way, other than through the lens of “gay” and “straight”.
A therapist like myself - with my strong background in understanding all issues around men’s sexuality - can be a highly valuable resource for you or your loved ones. Let me help you find the right terms and theories - and not just the most accessible ones - to clearly explain those patterns that are bringing up conflict and confusion. You can once again be in charge of your own destiny and life narrative.
In my experience there are many common and resolvable situations that are easily confused with an inherently gay identity. In therapy, I can help you clarify which of these situations is most applicable and from there we can strategize about healthy ways to move forward. I do not practice any “brand name” therapy in this area, whether “gay-affirmative” or “reparative/conversion therapy”. I stay with your experience, values and life goals to help you make the best decisions possible. I do not practice approaches that aim to fix or change anyone’s identity or desires. The only goal I have for my patients is for them to grow in clarity, resilience, mastery of stress and increased freedom to choose the life they want for themselves.
If you are feeling at a loss and don’t know who to turn to for clarity on these confusing matters, a professional with my background and expertise may be able to help.