Understanding Patterns of Attraction, Attachment, and Desire

Many thoughtful adults don’t struggle with the absence of desire — they struggle with understanding it.

You may feel strong chemistry that doesn’t translate into compatibility. You may notice recurring attraction patterns that feel confusing or disproportionate. Or you may find yourself repeating relational dynamics you don’t fully understand.

My work focuses on helping individuals make sense of these patterns in a grounded, psychologically coherent way.

Attraction Confusion & Relationship Patterns

Attraction can feel powerful — but not all attraction operates the same way.

Some forms of desire are driven by novelty, symbolism, or immediate arousal. Others develop gradually through emotional connection and shared experience. When these systems are confused, people may struggle with:

• Intense chemistry that overrides judgment
• Lack of “spark” despite compatibility
• Obsessive infatuation or limerence
• Attraction to unavailable or inconsistent partners
• Comparison between real relationships and imagined ideals
• Questions about what attraction signifies

In therapy, we work to:

• Clarify how your attraction patterns developed
• Distinguish fantasy-based arousal from relational attraction
• Evaluate compatibility more accurately
• Reduce shame around recurring patterns
• Make grounded, intentional relationship decisions

This work is especially helpful for individuals who are dating, considering long-term partnership, or navigating relational uncertainty.

Trauma, Attachment & Nervous System Patterns

Attraction does not develop in isolation. Early attachment experiences and nervous system conditioning shape how we experience desire, safety, and connection.

When trauma or chronic dysregulation is present, desire may attach to intensity rather than stability. Emotional numbness, hyperactivation, avoidance, or repeated unstable relationships can reflect unresolved attachment patterns.

I have advanced training in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (Level II), a trauma-informed, body-based modality that addresses the physiological foundations of relational experience.

In trauma-informed work, we focus on:

• Nervous system regulation
• Attachment history
• Emotional tolerance
• Relational stability
• Integration of past experience

This work often complements attraction-focused therapy, as unresolved trauma can influence how desire and compatibility are experienced.

Compulsive Sexual Patterns

Some individuals experience sexual patterns that feel intrusive, repetitive, or difficult to regulate — including pornography use, fixation on particular types, or recurring fantasy cycles.

Rather than approaching these behaviors through shame or moralization, we work to understand:

• The regulatory function the behavior serves
• How arousal patterns were conditioned
• Underlying attachment or trauma influences
• Alternative strategies for regulation

The focus is understanding and integration — not identity labeling.